812. Terri Cole On Setting Boundaries & Saying No

Terri is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship expert, business owner, and author. Over her long and varied career, she has helped her clients repair disordered and nonexistent boundaries. It can be intimidating to create limits and let go of relationships that no longer serve us, or as Terri calls them, historical handcuffs. In today’s episode, we discuss sustainable ways to empower yourself through setting boundaries. We also talk about the benefits of having boundaries, how to slowly add them into your life, and ways to shift your mindset around codependent relationships. Terri also shares details of her new book Boundary Boss: The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (Finally) Live Free, and how her Boundary Bootcamp inspired her to put her findings in writing. 


Episode Timeline & Discussion Questions:

( 2:23 ) Welcome back to Earn Your Happy! Lori reminds listeners to download the Lite Pink Holiday Gift Guide today!

( 3:24 ) As Lori’s birthday approaches, she reflects on her life and shares a life update.

( 5:01 ) Lori introduces Terri Cole.

( 6:52 ) Terri joins Lori in the conversation. 

( 7:20 ) Lori asks Terri to share a little bit about her journey and how she started doing what she’s doing.

( 9:12 ) Lori asks Terri, “Where did the theme of boundaries start to show up in your life that you became so passionate that you were like, there's gotta be a book on this.”

( 12:17 ) What were some of the themes that you just kept seeing show up initially that you were like, this is a boundary problem?

( 16:48 ) Thank you to Earn Your Happy sponsor, Indeed.

( 19:32 ) Lori asks Terri how we deal with the fear of setting boundaries with our friends, family, coworkers and peers.

( 25:29 ) Lori asks Terri, “After you say the ‘no’, without explaining. How do we do the work around letting it be okay with whatever they think on the other side?”

( 31:48 ) Thank you to Earn Your Happy sponsor, Liquid IV.

( 33:14 ) Lori and Terri discuss the realization Lori had about how setting a boundary is actually a true show of love to your loved ones.

( 35:56 ) Lori asks Terri, “What do you see from women to men with kind of this like falling out of friends and relationships?”

( 39:46 ) Lori asks Terri how to approach having the hard conversation with a friend who is not serving you in the current state of a friendship.

( 44:12 ) Lori asks Terri, “Are there any things that you say to yourself or set the intention to make sure that you follow through with the outcome that you desire?

( 47:25 ) Lori talks about the after effects of having to set boundaries with friendships in the past.

( 56:16 ) Lori asks Terri, “Is there anything in your book that can kind of talk about how boundaries make room or is there anything you want to leave people with?”

( 57:54 ) Lori asks Terri, “Where is the best spot for us to get your book?”

( 58:58 ) Lori asks Terri, “What is your Instagram handle?”


Guest Bio:

Terri Cole is a New York-based, licensed psychotherapist, relationship expert and founder of Real Love Revolution, Boundary Bootcamp, and the co-founder of Crushing Codependency, her female empowerment courses reach women in over 90 countries.

Prior to her current incarnation as a love, and boundaries expert, Terri was a bi-coastal talent agent negotiating endorsement contracts for supermodels and celebrities. Her eventual disenchantment with the world of entertainment led her to change careers in her 30’s to become a psychotherapist and empowerment expert. She has since made it her mission to teach as many women as possible to establish and maintain effective boundaries with ease and create and sustain healthy, vibrant relationships. For the past two decades, Terri has worked with some of the world’s most well-known personalities from international pop stars, athletes, Broadway performers, and TV personalities to thought-leaders and Fortune 500 CEOs. She empowers over 250,000 people weekly through her published articles and blog posts, illuminating videos, therapeutic meditations, online courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show.

Terri’s approach combines the best of practical psychology and, eastern mindfulness practices. She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible, and then actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change i.e. true transformation.

She has been featured as an expert therapist and master life coach on A&E’s Monster In-Laws, TED X, The Lisa Oz Show, Real Housewives and had a weekly radio show on Hay House Radio. Plus, a regular contributor to The Huffington Post, Positively Positive, The Daily Love, Well+Good, and has been featured in Italian Elle, Forbes, Origin, Vogue, Self and was honored to grace the cover of Inspired Coach magazine.

In her latest book, Boundary Boss: The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (Finally) Live Free Terri is sharing a specific skill set to help you stop living out learned boundary behaviors that don’t serve you. The techniques, tools and strategies in this book will teach you to align your choices and boundary behaviors with your most authentic self and exercise personal agency.