818. 3 Common Marriage Mistakes with Relationship Expert Laura Doyle

Happy wife, happy life. It's not just an old adage, but rather a theory that bestselling author Laura Doyle has used to transform her marriage and help countless other couples avoid divorce. Today, we’re talking about the three major mistakes a lot of us make (and we may not even be aware we’re damaging our relationships). We discuss how to chase your desires and be the best version of yourself in your marriage. Laura also shares communication tools and phrases that can help get you back on track, plus the science behind why they work. 


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Episode Timeline & Discussion Questions:

( 3:04 ) Welcome back to Earn Your Happy.

( 4:55 ) Laura joins Lori in the conversation. 

( 5:38 ) Lori asks Laura to share the backstory about her book.

( 5:55 ) Laura shares anecdotes about her marriage and how that inspired her to write her book. 

( 9:57 ) Lori asks Laura to share one common observation that she sees amongst her clients.

( 10:25) Laura says, “The first mistake that I think a lot of us make is that we are too helpful.”

( 11:05 ) Laura gives an example of a specific client who relinquished control and saved her marriage. 

( 14:17  ) Laura says, “Control and intimacy are opposites. So if I want the intimacy, I have got to let go of this control.”  

( 14:53 ) Lori shares how she’s working on trusting Chris with the motorhome trip.

( 15:52 ) Laura talks about how control stems from fear.

( 17:52 ) Lori and Laura talk about how the idea of ‘meeting halfway’ isn’t always the answer. 

( 20:27 ) Lori thanks her sponsor Indeed. 

( 22:01 ) Laura shares her formula for expressing your desires in a way that inspires your partner. 

( 23:10 ) Laura says, “I think of desires as the seat of feminine power.”

( 24:06 ) Laura gives two examples of how her formula worked in her marriage. 

( 28:08 ) Laura says, “What we all need is to be seen, heard and understood.”

( 29:13 ) Lori asks, “What happens when you say whatever you think, I trust you, and you feel that it went terribly wrong?”

( 30:07 ) Laura talks about the “spouse fulfilling prophecy” and how that showed up in her marriage. 

( 31:51 ) Lori thanks her sponsor Butcher Box. 

( 33:37 ) Laura and Lori discuss the second mistake that people make, which is you don't know what you desire. 

( 34:37 ) Laura shares how she manifested her Amazon Prime series. 

( 37:22 ) Lori reflects on the language that she and Chris use in their marriage. 

( 39:48 ) Laura talk about the power of saying “ouch” when your partner says something hurtful. 

( 42:16 ) Lori asks Laura to share more phrases that can help with effective communication. 

( 44:02 ) Laura says, “Respect is like oxygen for husbands. If that's gone missing, that's where it really feels like everything is falling apart.”

( 44:44 ) Lori and Laura discuss how to not shut your husband down when he gives suggestions or advice that you don’t necessarily want to hear.

( 47:09 ) Lori introduces that third mistake: you're not prioritizing your happiness.

( 48:16) Laura says, “The indispensable first step of actually fixing your marriage, of giving yourself a lasting marriage, is doing at least three things a day for your own frivolous happiness.”

( 50:31 ) Lori says, “I can tell you from a child's perspective, I wish my mother would have done whatever she needed to do to be happy.”

( 51:34 ) Laura and Lori discuss about how important self care is in a marriage. 

( 54:10 ) Lori asks, “What's something that you absolutely just feel like you you want everybody that you come in contact with to know?”

( 54:32 ) Laura says, “I would love for everyone have the six intimacy skills which are laid out step by step and all these cheat phrases.”

( 56:14 ) Laura says you can find links to buy her book, download her free Adored Wife Roadmap, and follow her on social media at lauradoyle.org.

( 56:56) Lori asks listeners to tag @lauramdoyle and let her know about the biggest takeaway from this episode.


Guest Bio:

New York Times Bestselling Author Laura Doyle was the perfect wife…until she actually got married. When she told her husband how to be tidier, more romantic, and more ambitious, he avoided her. So she dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. In desperation, she asked happily married women for their secrets, and that’s when she got her miracle: the man who had wooed her returned.

Laura’s books have been translated into 19 languages in 30 countries and accidentally started a worldwide movement. Laura’s mission is to end world divorce. She is the founder of the international relationship coach training school Laura Doyle Connect, the star of Empowered Wives on Amazon Prime, the Creator of The Ridiculously Happy Wife program, the host of The Empowered Wife Podcast and she has appeared on The Today Show, Good Morning America and The View. She has helped over 15,000 women fix their relationships–even the hopeless ones–without their husband’s effort. 

But the thing that Laura is most proud of is her gratifying 31-year marriage with her hilarious husband John, who has been dressing himself since before she was born.