This past weekend I was invited to write and share a new spoken word poem at my soul sister, Danette May’s event. To say I was terrified is putting it mildly, but I did it! And while I’m still processing my the journey and the emotions around it, one thing I know for certain is that my fear is always the X that marks the spot when it comes to what fulfills me and makes me feel like I’m living in my highest potential.
I shared a couple clips of the poem on social media, but have gotten several requests to hear the poem in its entirety. Always one to feel the fear again (why?!), I’ve recorded it on this episode and have provided the words below. If my words pull at your soul and you know someone else who would benefit, please share. Thanks so much for all of your support!
Here we go…
I got up today only to find that I’m still not yet where I want to be
A little less “I woke up like this”
A little more – “existential crisis” – feeling stuck in my reality.
When I think about who I am now, compared to who I think I’m supposed to be
I wake up every morning, AND INSTEAD of doing things that set me free
I put on a straight-jacket and wear someone else’s identity.
Not even accepting myself on my own ID
Height one inch taller
Weight 10 pounds smaller
Anyone else fear a lie detector test at the DMV – or is it just me?
Just the thought of trying to change my life makes me feel defeated
Like I got the short end of the stick
Or like this bitch over here got all the talent
And I got cheated.
When I close my eyes, I can see my life’s vision
But when I open them, I can’t see past my email, my thighs, my to-do list and dirty kitchen
I mean what’s it gonna take to reach my dream, be seen, and get attention?
Instead of growing my mind
I put all my energy towards beauty, titles and Instagram mentions.
When will I be enough?
Thanks to Fairytales and Ariel, I’ve spent my whole life chasing people and stuff
“Look at this stuff isn’t it neat? Wouldn’t you think my collection’s complete?”
Still waiting for my Prince Charming, castle and Fairy Godmother
Jerry Maguire said, “You complete me”
So feeling enough must ONLY come from a love.r
So many mixed messages, it’s no wonder we’re confused
The world tries keeping us busy stressing over low carbs, waist trainers and red-bottom shoes
They sidetrack us from our purpose with diets and promises of youth
But it’s a choice to decide to be committed to finding and living your truth.
The other day I was walking past a man in conversation with his mate
He said, and I quote, “You deserve the life you tolerate”
I just about choked
Cause at that point in my day I was feeling upset
Sorry for myself because there are unlived dreams I haven’t met yet
If what I tolerate is the life that I’m living
then you’re telling me it’s been my choice to not use these gifts I’ve been given?
They say through ownership I can get my power back
I gotta be honest – easier said than done
I was really hoping this whole personal development thing would be a little more fun…
True story – I was recently at an event like this
Sitting in the audience
And from the stage I felt the speakers words hit me in the soul much like a deliverance:
I am not what you think I am; I am not what I think I am; I am what I think you think I am.”
Let me repeat that….
I am not what you think I am; I am not what I think I am; I am what I think you think I am”
Moral of the story is the only thing that’s stopping us, is what other people think
Get your mind off other people’s shit
And put your soul back in the driver’s seat!
The only thing wrong with you is that you think something is wrong with you.
Everything is right with you
In spite of you
Ignoring the higher you
The answers are all inside of you
So why are you
Gripping onto others view
When what they think of you is…
NOTHING. Because they’re only thinkin’ about themselves.
The truth will set you free,
But first it will piss you off
And the truth is:
If you keep fighting for your limitations, you get to keep them
It’s time to stop choosing suffering
and choose to fight for your queendom.
I know the life I’m born for and the woman I’m supposed to be
I’m embarrassed to tell you my soul is an undercover celebrity
So where do I go if I believe the life I have now must be disputed
It’s like I can see I’m on screen
But my voice has been muted
It’s been so long since I’ve used it, or maybe I never learned how
But lately something’s stirring, rising up telling me my time is now.
What stops us are the lies we choose to believe
It’s an imagined future of pain that we think we perceive
It’s when I’m alone that my fears go viral
Next is panic, then my anxiety starts to spiral.
I’m picturing judgment, comparison, an imagined future that’s not even real
It’s our past informing our future telling us how to feel!
I believe the reason we feel pain is because we need to bridge the gap,
Between our fear and our faith in our source and its unlimited tap.
In order to become the woman I’m chasing
I have to let go of the woman I’m facing
The mirror is the place where you have to fall in love
With all the scars from our past
Reconfigure them from curses, into gifts from above
Trusting that what you have now is what you need to begin
And who’ll you’ll become will transform as you start to step in.
If I don’t start to take action now, it will be consequential
Because my biggest fear is dying, without reaching my highest potential
‘Cuz it just takes one to change your family tree
and your bravery and courage is bringing your ancestors to their knees
They may not have been able to use their voice or have what you do
That’s why you must take action,
They have blazed this trail for you.
But we have to wake up from the lie, and emerge from our comas
To stop sleepwalking through life requires more than a kiss from a prince or diploma.
See, the magic of life is that it gives you clues
And if you’re open and seeking you get glimpses of truth
And in case it’s still in question, YES you’ve been chosen, you’re forgiven it’s written
But you gotta SHOW UP – STAND UP – RISE UP – stop sittin’.
The map to your bliss is to follow it, and keep showing up
It’s going to be messy, your hands will shake, you’ll get criticized and you’ll want to throw up
Becoming the biggest version of you is the scariest thing you’ll do
You’ll have darkness and pain and some friends will leave you.
But I’m going to let you in on life’s ultimate hack
It’s that you get to choose gratitude even when it feels like the universe doesn’t have your back.
God wants to use you
He guides those who are willing
And it’s not up to you to decide if your dream is worth killing
You’ve got a soul contract to live into your life’s call
Don’t worry about failing, you will, it’s a part of it
But you’ve got sisters here to catch you when you fall
Choose your truth.
Every single time you show up
It gives more hope for our youth
Stay close to what makes you feel ALIVE
Don’t just survive
That’s not why you’re here
But you gotta continue to do the things that help you get clear.
PAY ATTENTION to soul hits, nudges and winks
AND whenever you get them, take action and don’t think
Sometimes when I’m quiet, when I’m running, or if Eminem’s rapping
I’ll lose myself in the music and feel God start the tapping
On three, everybody get up, we’re gonna start clapping
3, 2, 1…
Sister you're a star – you’re a strong girl
Playin’ in your gifts – gonna start to change the world today
You got glitter on yo' face
Your hair’s in place
Spreading your magic all over the place
We will, we will rise up
We will, we will rise up